“I Believe You”: The Leadership Skill That Changes Workplace Culture

A few years ago, I found myself in a dark place—literally. I was drenched in sweat on a stationary bike in a pitch-black indoor cycling studio that had become my second home. Life was shifting in big, difficult ways, and I was barely keeping up. Then the instructor called out over the music: “It’s okay if you don’t believe in yourself right now. We’ll believe in you until you start believing again.”

Being believed can ground someone when they feel unmoored. It can restore dignity and a sense of worth. It is often the first step toward transformation. 

As a sexual assault counselor, I saw how powerful it was when a survivor felt believed. As a domestic violence advocate, I also saw the opposite: the deep damage caused by psychological abuse and gaslighting, where someone is manipulated into doubting their own reality and convinced that no one else will believe them.

I remember supporting a survivor who had been out of her abusive marriage for more than a decade. She came to us for help with an issue involving her child’s school, but instead of simply asking for support, she felt she had to prove she deserved it. She arrived with pages of documentation, explaining and re-explaining her experience, while still questioning whether her pain was valid. I stopped her, invited her to take a breath, and said, “You don’t have to prove anything to me. We believe you.” Even after ten years, the effects of the abuse were still shaping what she thought she had to do to be taken seriously. That is what makes psychological harm so difficult to heal: it may leave no visible mark, but the doubt it creates can linger for years.

A few years ago, I went to my primary care physician with concerns about my health. I was not just dismissed—I was made to feel ashamed for raising them. I left questioning myself instead of trusting what my body was trying to tell me. For a long time, I pushed myself harder, believing I was the problem and working relentlessly to feel better with little to show for it. Then, finally, I found a team of providers who believed me and validated both my concerns and my symptoms. I had major surgery and started hormone replacement therapy. In one conversation, a provider said to me, “Let’s see what your body is capable of now that it’s getting the support you needed.” Just a few months later, I crossed the finish line of my first half-marathon—a feat that had felt impossible the year before. On the drive home from the race, I kept thinking: “Look what happens when someone believes you.”

That lesson shows up in my workplace consulting, too. When I partner with schools, businesses, and organizations facing low morale or high turnover, I often begin with a listening tour—creating a confidential space where employees can speak openly about their experiences. Sometimes the issues are structural: unclear policies, weak onboarding, inconsistent processes. But more often, the underlying theme is simpler and more human: people do not feel believed by their leaders.

It shows up in the employee who asks for bereavement leave after the sudden death of a loved one and is met with demands for proof before condolences. It shows up in the new hire who joins because they believe in the mission, only to be dropped into projects without proper onboarding and criticized for asking questions. It shows up in the employee who requests direct feedback, is told they are doing great, and then gets passed over for promotion with vague critiques months later. And it shows up in the burned-out team member whose exhaustion is obvious, but who is told to “take better care of yourself” while even more work is added to their plate.

When employees do not feel believed, the damage goes beyond morale. It chips away at trust, belonging, and confidence. Over time, people stop bringing forward ideas, concerns, and even parts of themselves. And when that happens, organizations lose more than productivity—they lose honesty, creativity, and commitment.

If we are creating workplaces where employees don’t feel trusted or believed, we aren’t just harming them- we are stifling the growth and innovation our organizations could be capable of achieving.  

If you lead people, one of the most powerful things you can offer is the simple, consistent message: I hear you. I trust what you’re telling me. I believe you. Sometimes that is where healing starts. And sometimes, it is where better workplaces begin.