What does a healthy relationship look like when it’s ending?
For more than 25 years, I’ve facilitated lessons and workshops on healthy relationships. In many of these spaces, I’ve asked participants to reflect on the qualities of a healthy relationship, including friendships, classmates, colleagues, family, and intimate relationships. Together, we examined the different stages of relationships and how relationships can evolve as trust is built, connections deepen, and challenges inevitably arise.
In 2022, I had to reflect on a question that had new personal meaning for me: What does a healthy relationship look like when it’s ending?
In June 2013, I got a life-changing phone call. It was Laura Van Zandt, the (now former) Executive Director of REACH Beyond Domestic Violence, offering me a dream job. I had long admired REACH and was inspired by my predecessor, Jo Patterson, for the prevention programs she established, the team she grew, and the way the entire organization partnered with communities and supported survivors. From the moment I had decided to move back to Massachusetts, I hoped I could find a job, any job, at REACH. But what happened was so much better than I had ever dreamed; not only was there a job for me at REACH, but it was the job I wanted. My predecessor built one of the largest domestic violence prevention teams in Massachusetts before leaving the organization, and they needed a new leader in prevention. I didn’t apply to any other jobs. I knew that this was it for me.
When I accepted the position, I imagined myself staying until I retired. The job was everything that lit me up and brought me joy. I worked with amazing colleagues and communities, and was able to make a meaningful impact while learning more every day. I loved being the Director of Prevention Programs at REACH more than I can put into words.
In 2022, I had to face a complex reality. I love REACH. I believed in REACH, and I wanted the organization to grow and evolve. I had to acknowledge that if I never left, I was blocking a path for growth, I was preventing REACH from benefiting from leadership that offered new perspectives, and I was prohibiting a leader who had different professional and lived experiences from enhancing the programs beyond what I was capable of doing.
Deciding to leave REACH was one of the most difficult decisions I ever made, and it was a decision borne out of love. I will never forget telling my colleagues, especially my team, and the many conversations we had in my final months. My going-away party was not just a celebration of my time at REACH; it was an intentional effort to connect the community members I had partnered with the organization as a whole, to ensure that the work would continue and the connections would remain strong.
I didn’t do the transition perfectly, but I did my best. From my first day at REACH to my last, I led with my heart. And I could only hope that there would be a way that I could still support and stay connected to REACH in the future.
In late 2024, a new kind of dream came true. I had the opportunity to come back to REACH, this time in my capacity at JT Consulting, and support the organization in a new way. For the last several months, I had the honor of partnering with REACH, supporting and learning from the staff, and being inspired all over again.
I know that REACH is an organization that can change lives because REACH changed mine. Organizations like REACH are facing unprecedented challenges, and they need renewed support to continue to provide the life-saving services they offer every day. To that end, I’ll be running the Falmouth Road Race this August to raise money and awareness for REACH. I’m so excited to represent an organization I love in this event.
What does a healthy relationship look like when it’s over? I’m not exactly sure. I’m just grateful that my relationship with REACH isn’t over; it’s just evolving.
To help me reach my fundraising goal, please check out my page.
