One Small Shift That Can Change How You Talk to Your Kids
This spring, I’m so excited to be leading a workshop with my community on how to talk to the young people in our lives about healthy relationships. It’s a conversation I’ve been having—both personally and professionally—for a long time. I started facilitating these discussions when I was a young person myself, and they’ve continued to evolve throughout my career. Becoming a parent changed them even more.
Talking with kids about relationships can feel exciting…and also a little daunting.
I’ll be the first to say: I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t say the perfect thing every time. When my personal and professional worlds overlap, I can feel that familiar pressure to get it right—to say the exact right words at the exact right moment. And when that doubt starts creeping in, I pause and come back to my real goal.
Because my goal is not to say everything, perfectly, in one conversation.
My goal is to have more conversations.
Letting Go of “The Talk”
So many of us were raised without adults who talked openly about things like consent, dating, substances, or sex. Questions weren’t always welcomed, and curiosity was often met with explicit or implicit shame. Because of that, many parents today feel stuck. We feel like we’re supposed to deliver The Talk—that mythical, one‑time conversation where we somehow cover every topic, anticipate every question, and say it all flawlessly in one polished monologue.
But here’s the shift that changes everything:Monologue isn’t the goal. Dialogue is.
What we actually want is to become a trusted source of information. We want our kids to know that no topic is off‑limits, that curiosity is welcome, and that they won’t be shamed for asking hard or awkward questions. We want them coming to us—not the internet, not an older kid on the bus—when something feels confusing or uncomfortable.
As Dr. Becky so beautifully puts it, the real question isn’t “How I say everything just right” It’s:“How do I become someone my kid can talk to about uncomfortable, tricky topics?”
And that kind of trust is built slowly, one conversation at a time.
“Can I Ask You Something?”
My child asks me a lot of questions. Almost every one of them starts the same way:
“Can I ask you something?”
My answer is always the same—and I’m sure one day it will drive her absolutely nuts:
“You can ask me anything.”
Is it always easy or comfortable to live up to that promise? Definitely not. But I’m deeply grateful that she believes it’s true.
And when I don’t know the answer, I don’t pretend. I don’t guess or brush it off. Instead, I say, “That’s a really good question. I’m not actually sure—but I’d love to find out. Should we look it up together?”
Because what I’m really teaching in that moment isn’t just information. I’m teaching her that:
Curiosity is safe
Questions are welcome
Learning is something we can do together
The Power of the Small Shift
The most powerful change we can make isn’t finding the perfect words or delivering the perfect talk. It’s shifting our mindset from having one big conversation to building many small ones.
When we do that, we stop aiming for perfection and start building connection. And that’s what keeps the conversation going—today, tomorrow, and for years to come.
Want to join the conversation? Register here for one of our upcoming workshops, or reach out to bring us to your community!
